


Winter

by eiyuuhero



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Introspection, Love Confessions, M/M, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, because im not that mean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-07-29 07:29:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7675534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eiyuuhero/pseuds/eiyuuhero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Confession, arguments, and a lot of regret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Winter

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact i got the inspiration for this from that one time we had people over and our firepit was lit (it wasnt even winter i dk)
> 
> i hope the title isn't stupid

Oikawa stared at the flames quietly, the heat flushing his face, the crackling sounds reverberating through his chest, filling the dead air.

 

The flames danced across the logs like velvet, flickering up, golden and orange. He wanted to touch them. Not in a suicidal way. But they were so pretty. He wondered if they would be soft between his fingers. He wondered if they would eventually burn him, scorching his fingertips, like everything in his life, and everyone.

 

Oikawa stared at the flames, the heat stinging the tears on his cheeks, fresh, still not quite dry. 

 

~

 

It was snowing outside. It was nothing new, thought Iwaizumi, his breath fogging in the cold air. He had decided to take a walk around his street, out of need for a distraction. The soft flakes fell to the ground, where they were crushed beneath his heavy winter boots. 

 

It was kind of sad, he thought. It wasn't the snowflake’s choice to be created. Yet each and every one was subjected to the same, merciless fate. Just to be melted down, and the cycle starts all over again. Day after day, week after week, until the process was so brain-numbing that no thought was needed anymore. 

 

Iwaizumi wasn't sure he was just thinking about the snowflake anymore.

 

He trudged on.

 

~

 

Oikawa stared at his phone. No messages to be displayed. He sighed, spinning his phone away from him on the countertop. He swung his legs from the bar stool, stretching, but he didn't feel tired. He had moved away from the hearth, after the last embers died out. He checked the time on his flimsy plastic watch. 

 

_ Shit, it's after one _ . But he didn't really care. He'd stay up all night if it took that long.

 

Oikawa absently unlocked his phone, his fingers tapping the screen until he got to where he wanted to be. 

 

**Sat, 8:43pm**

 

**Iwa-chan**

We’ll talk later

 

**Iwa-chan**

Promise

 

Oikawa hadn't been sure how to respond to that. In the end, he had typed out a lame “K”. But he couldn't bring himself to say any more. Iwaizumi had been avoiding him, and when Oikawa had confronted him about it, in the clubroom, it hadn't gone as intended. 

 

-

 

_ “Iwa-chan. I can tell you're not okay, so please stop pretending.” _

 

_ Iwaizumi gritted his teeth, his fists curled. “I'm fine.” But it came out weak, and nothing convinced Oikawa more than the blatant truth he saw in his best friend’s eyes.  _

 

_ “What's wrong? Tell me, please.” Oikawa was begging now. “There's nothing more I want than to help you.” _

 

_ “Maybe you can't help me with this one.” It might have sounded harsh to someone else, but to Oikawa, it sounded pained. _

 

_ Oikawa bit his lip. “Even if… Even if I can't, I'll, I can - I -” _

 

_ “You can't do anything!” Iwaizumi snapped. He winced at his own tone, but only slightly. “You - there's nothing you can do! It's my own fault, and then some of it isn't, but I'm ultimately the one to blame! And it's so unfair, because you're so oblivious!” _

 

_ “I-Iwa-chan…” _

 

_ “And you're not making it any easier!” Iwaizumi was staring him straight in the eye. “If you could just open your  _ fucking  _ eyes and take a look around, you would understand, but you can just sit in your little house, blind to everything, blind to -”  _

 

_ Iwaizumi choked. He was tripping over his words. The amount of things he was saying, it struck blows to Oikawa’s heart.  _

 

_ “ - you're so blind to me, Tooru! And I'm hurting because of that, because of you. And yet I'm still the one to blame.” _

 

_ Oikawa’s eyes stung. “Iwa-chan, you're not making any sense-” _

 

_ “Oh my god, don't you think I know? I've been going around and around inside my head, playing the blame game, and you're -” _

 

_ “What? What am I?” Oikawa finally snapped. “What am I to you? Am I such a shitty friend for putting up with your taunts, nicknames, trying to cheer you up and help you? All I've done is for you! Iwa-chan, I'm sorry if I've missed something, but you've not been 100% honest with me up until now. Now tell me, what is the problem?!” _

 

_ Iwaizumi growled, sounding deep in his throat. “For fucking sakes, do I have to spell it out for you?!” _

 

_ “Well, if I'm as blind as you say.” Oikawa was on the verge of tears. “Hajime, please, I-” _

 

_ And shouts of “I love you!” and “I hate you!” rang through the air at the same time. _

 

_ Iwaizumi was the first to cry. _

 

_ “W-what?” he stuttered. “How can you say that, you bastard?!” _

 

_ Oikawa was soon to follow, the tears spilling over his flushed cheeks. “I…” What could he possibly say? _

 

_ “And I spent this whole time…” Iwaizumi chuckled ironically, glaring up at Oikawa, a flash of something in his eyes that disappeared after a too-short moment. _

 

_ “I really hate you, Tooru.” _

 

_ And he had left. _

 

_ - _

 

Oikawa loved Iwaizumi. 

 

And Iwaizumi hated it. 

 

Why? 

 

Because Iwaizumi loved Oikawa.

 

Contradiction.

 

Funny, isn't it?

 

Iwaizumi had always thought he'd be the first to confess. Because why on earth would Oikawa Tooru, one of the best setters and captains in Japan, soaring pride and all confidence, set his standards so low to accept the feelings of someone that couldn't find it in him to call himself an ace.

 

He felt so desperate. For quite a few reasons. He was struggling to be scouted by the same university as Oikawa - he wasn't even sure of that. His chances were low to begin with. He was also struggling to sleep at night, with everything on his mind. Five hours had become the regular for too many nights.

 

He was also struggling with his feelings for his best friend.

 

It was so unfair. Oikawa got to go on, oblivious, his path already paved for him, so sure of his step and direction. He didn't get to see Iwaizumi, scrambling after him, his heart bare and vulnerable as he wore it on his sleeve. How could Oikawa not have noticed, the bastard?

 

Maybe he had chosen not to see?

 

Iwaizumi kicked at the packed snow beneath him. The nerve of that guy! Strutting ahead on his high horse.  _ But you know that’s not true, _ he thought to himself.  _ He's always looking out for the team, for you too, Hajime. He wants what's best for us. _

 

_ Isn't that why you fell in love with him in the first place? _

 

Iwaizumi stopped walking. He clenched his fists.  _ Damnit, damnit, damn it all.  _ It was the truth, but not the whole truth. He had fallen in love with Oikawa’s surefootedness, and also his insecurities. He had been there at his lowest and his worst, and Oikawa had continued through it, head held high. He loved that confidence. He loved the smile on his face when he scored with a serve. He loved the glint in his eye when he set to Iwaizumi. He loved his laugh, he loved his scent, his smile.

 

Iwaizumi was so disgustingly in love.

 

But hadn't Oikawa said he loved him, too?

 

But he couldn't be. If he was, Iwaizumi would have known. He knew Oikawa better than he knew himself. He could tell when he was sad, or scared. Surely he could sense something like that?

 

Maybe Iwaizumi has been so wrapped up in his own feelings that he'd completely ignored Oikawa’s. If that was the case...

 

“Fuck.” Iwaizumi turned and ran. He’d really fucked up. He didn’t know where he was running to anymore. He wanted to run away from this, from his mistakes, from the unforgiving, betrayed look Oikawa was sure to bear if he came crawling back to his doorstep. Away from the certain rejection he was to face. But he felt his subconscious taking him exactly there, his feet beating against the pavement. His mind was overflowing and churning like an angry ocean.

 

Why was he going back again?

 

Because there was a small glimmer of hope. He could just see it, in his mind’s eye. If he reached out, it would disappear. So he chased it blindly. 

 

Iwaizumi turned the corner, and, not being able to wait any longer, grabbed his phone from his jacket pocket, fumbling with the passcode with numb fingers as he tried to open it. Finally, he found his desired contact. He smashed the “call” button.

 

~

 

It wasn’t even one ring before Oikawa picked up.

 

_ “Iwa-chan?” _ Oikawa’s voice sounded tired, but it was Oikawa. He sighed with relief.

 

“Oikawa.” he half-yelled into the receiver.

 

There was a shuffle from the other end.  _ “Iwa-chan, are you okay?” _

 

The street was slippery, and Iwaizumi narrowly avoided an ice patch.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine, I just wanted to talk!”

 

_ “Hajime, I’m really -” _

 

“I’m sorry, Tooru, I didn’t mean it, I don’t -” He dodged a roadworks sign. “- I don’t hate you, okay?”

 

_ “Why did you say it, then?” _ Oikawa sounded like he was about to break down all over again. That wasn't fair, either. Iwaizumi was trying to  _ apologise,  _ god damnit, Oikawa couldn’t interrupt him. But no, that was the kind of thinking that got him into this mess in the first place. And it didn’t matter - they’d be face to face soon enough.

 

“Are you at home?”

 

_ “Wha- Hajime?” _ Oikawa sounded startled.

 

“I’ll take that as a yes. Are your parents home?”

 

_ “N-no, they aren’t - wait, Hajime!” _

 

And Iwaizumi ran. He ran faster than he ever had, skidding on ice and he knew it was dangerous, but he didn’t care, he had to get back to Oikawa, back to the boy he’d been in love with for God knows how long, to tell him that he’d been wrong, so wrong.

 

_ “Hajime, are you running?” _

 

_ “Is that a car?” _

 

_ “Can you at least answer me, please?” _

 

Iwaizumi swallowed, his throat dry. “I’m still here, I’m coming, it’s fine, you’re okay?”

 

“ _ What- I’m so confused-” _

 

Iwaizumi imagined Oikawa on the other end of the line, with that adorable pout on his face, a concerned look in his eyes. A grin broke out over his face.

 

“Tooru, I love you!”

 

“ **_What_ ** ?”

 

And if anyone had bothered to look out their window at 1:26am, they would see Iwaizumi Hajime scrambling up the stone steps to the house where the Oikawa family lived, dusted with snow and cheeks bright from the cold.

 

Iwaizumi knocked once, twice, three times, and the door swung open. Oikawa stood in front of him, in dark blue pyjamas, with little aliens all over them, holding his phone to his cheek. His hair was a mess, and he was indeed wearing the adorable pout on his features.

 

“Hajime?” Oikawa looked so fragile in that moment. Iwaizumi met his eyes, and he was so scared, so  _ vulnerable _ , and he couldn’t take it anymore.

 

“I love you too, Tooru! I’m so sorry.” he panted, and the hand holding his phone dropped to his side, the device slipping out of his grip and hitting the ground. He didn’t let Oikawa respond - he was too busy gathering up his courage. It was now or never.

 

“Tooru, I’ve been in love with you since forever, I’m so fucking in love with you I disgust myself. I couldn’t be around you anymore because every little stupid thing you do, like brushing your stupid hair or smiling that stupid smile just made me wanna kiss your dumb face right there and then. I’m sorry I was so blind and that I ended up hurting you instead, but please, can you forgive me?”

 

Oikawa stared, his jaw wide, before letting his own phone go, and sniffing, eyes shining with tears.

 

“H-Hajime…” he mumbled, before grabbing Iwaizumi by the jacket and dragging him inside, pulling him into a hug.

 

Iwaizumi hugged back, with all the strength he had left from all the running, the snow on his jacket melting soaking Oikawa’s shirt.

 

“I forgive you.” Oikawa croaked, holding Iwaizumi close. “

 

“I’m never leaving.” he swore. He could feel hot breath on his cheek, and he broke away from the embrace to cup Oikawa’s face in his hands, resting their foreheads together. “As long as I’m here, I’ll never hurt you again.”

 

And he pressed their lips together, fitting together like two pieces of an insane, ever-changing puzzle.

 

There weren’t fireworks. No, but there was a warmth, starting everywhere they were touching, and spreading all the way to his frozen toes, lighting a fire inside his chest, igniting every sense he had.

 

Oikawa sighed happily, kicking the door shut behind Iwaizumi and pressing him against it, helping Iwaizumi shrug off his jacket while he kicked off his shoes. Once free, Iwaizumi wrapped his arms around Oikawa’s neck, sucking lightly on his lower lip, drawing a low moan from both of them. Iwaizumi felt his face burning when Oikawa moved his hands to his hips, bringing them closer together, inseparable as they’ve always been.

 

After what seemed like forever, they broke apart, a string of saliva still connecting their mouths. Iwaizumi’s lips no longer felt chapped. Their heavy breathing was the only sound to be heard, along with their pounding heartbeats.

 

“You know,” Oikawa started, his voice husky. “I never really got to say, but… I’ve always loved you.”

 

Iwaizumi’s heart skipped a beat. He loved Oikawa saying that, especially while he was this close, with their noses bumping together. “You didn’t have to say anything.” he hummed.

 

Oikawa laughed softly. “I know. I just wanted to say it, at least once.”

 

Iwaizumi smirked, tracing his thumb over Oikawa’s cheekbone.

 

“You talk too much, Shittykawa.” he said softly.

 

“So mean~” he whispered back.

  
Iwaizumi’s hands were no longer cold.


End file.
